Alone Tonight

To where I skyward gaze, the North Star shines bright and steady, while all around, above my head, I see other silver stars collide in bursts of colour, and then fade away…just like our love that died. I felt like a queen, on pedestal enthroned, but you have left me the Queen of Nowhere, with no place in this universe to hide my sorrow. I don’t just want to hide from you; I have to hide…to hide to save my sanity!

You’re just one more link in the chain that shackles my life; a life of desperate endeavour to pass through challenges and emerge alive, resisting the promises of angels – their halos and wings always blinding me, guiding me to the choices that have brought me to this lonely night. My strength; all my inner energy, never enough to keep me safe…so here I am, tonight – alone.

Alone tonight and exactly as the western stars, I am sinking. Cursed by men and angels, gifting me only dreams, though making me believe they were a fortune of reality. I’m here again, another bright comet tail from your meteoric love, shed to burn so intense, so short, and now mere dust of heaven…flared then lost…my final option to head to here, alone, raising my eyes to the sky to see the darkness shine so bright; alone tonight

I still fight against the same angels and demons; creatures the scent of my innocent sanguine flow has brought to feast on time after time. Encircled by these tongues of flame and ice, I bathe myself in tears and blood and the words that I never had the courage to say. I am lost in a future paradise; immersed in a scalding pain. I am alone here alone tonight, as all those nights before. You faked your promised hope, faked your love, mistook my feelings for the weakness of a lowly heart, you left me your incoherence, packed full of pledges – all lies – carelessly throwing open my darkest doors as you passed by to more fruitful shores.

So, here am I, looking to the North Star, seeing it unmoved by earthy plight, while circled by all the rest, yet knowing it is just one more the pinprick in the universe, that its stability is mere illusion. Now, as I look beyond its steady light into the furthest reaches of icy night, far beyond the here and now, I can see the curve that space must follow while we head for a new tomorrow. Alone tonight, my heart trying to forgive me. Alone tonight, turning my eyes to light and knowledge. Alone tonight, searching for another world in which to live. Alone tonight, cursed for a love that I will never feel…

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