“In my heart of hearts
I know there’s more love left for you
But love is not enough, I’ve learned
To see the journey through”
From Love is not enough, Above & Beyond
This is now my time to say goodbye to you because love is not enough; you know. The decision to leave doesn’t hurt only you; it hurts me too. But see, every step of our way has brought us closer to today, love is not enough; it never was. We need more. The complicity of yesterday we have lost in our differences, in the pleasure shadowed in each moment by suspicion and disagreement. No, love is not enough. A small home with kids is not enough, not for me, neither for you, I know this now.
You’ve left many scars in my heart; I consider each one a lesson learned, an experience, making me who I am today, and you’ve learned your lessons too. Our hands were always searching each other, first in desire, then to seek the comfort that time selfishly withdrew…a widened gap between me and you, and finally to find the last touch to say goodbye. Don’t blame yourself, don’t blame me, it’s only the natural ending for a feeling that could not feed those deeper needs. We, humans, need more than food and water, we need, air, and light and space to grow; to discover. So, in the same manner, love requires many things too. Love needs respect, patience, persistence, understanding and individuality, the freedom to go, but the desire to stay. There is no love without that, and you never held them for me.
Your quest for power, to be special and unique, left me out of your life, even loving you as I do, even knowing this love will be forever and ever; we are not fairy tale characters, we are humans, with flaws, fears, and prejudices. You have yours; I have mine. And our first impassioned ‘love’ was not enough.
Neither you nor I will be alone tonight; we are hunters, you trying to dispel your anxiety by thrusting it into another body…who is she? You wouldn’t care…she’s just the one who happened there! For myself I shall offer my body to be loved, but, no doubt in vain, as my mind won’t respond…I still love you. In many ways, we are accomplices; marginals in this world, with our rules. Rules, I have millions; and you have only one.
Together, we were a contradiction, as if Lucifer had fallen in love with an angel, the Beast with Beauty. We are as antagonistic as light and darkness, I enlighten you; you darken me. Why did we fall in love? Because love has no sight; love is blind to differences, it creates its own ‘reality’ of dreams. It’s not a mere human condition to be in love, it is a universal energy, a chemical/physical law. We weren’t immune, we were caught in the torment of our interaction and fell into its abyss
Yesterday, you felt in love; and today, again; tomorrow you will, no doubt fool yourself again. One continuous chorus: “sleep, eat, love, repeat”, but you miss the meaning of the verse between, that’s you. A knight without a king to serve. A monk without religion. A peasant with no money, no education, no hope.
I never will fall in love again; it’s impossible to love when you are overwhelmed by a love that chose you. Immortal as I am, sometimes I feel tired of being here, suppressed by my childish feelings, and deconstructed hopes. I feel your presence in each step I take in life. I am here because of you, but unfortunately, my love was not enough. You still have all of me, that’s the crazy truth. Your greed was sufficient; my love wasn’t.
So, now I choose to swim in deep waters, in pools of inky blackness; no forward view. It is a choice, like that when I came to understand that love was not enough. My concepts of freedom and your blindness to life were incompatible, a dystrophy in the line of time, creating an alternative reality where we lived for a while. There we discovered a few compatibilities; however, returning to reality, we have to face that love is not enough. Your prayers to your God were never heard; your hopes to confront your family, not accomplished. We are now, what we were before. You are a soul that’s lost its way. Me? I never had one…