Your eyes

I still wonder why your eyes haunt my every day. Wherever I am, whatever the time, they infuse my mind.

What can it be that is so special about those eyes? Is it their colour of honey, the dark honey that drips from fingers? Dense. Sweet. Yes, your eyes are so. And when in my mind, they meet mine I feel warmth. The happiness your eyes bring to me has no comparison.

Do you remember the first time you looked at me? The sun was high, its light flickering on the sea; two strangers sailing to an unknown destination. Your eyes dragged me into a whirlpool of time, where the past, present, and future met and danced within my mind. It took me a while to understand that I had already met you…your eyes had already touched mine somewhere across the river of time.

Crossing the waters of the strait, we talked as old friends, for as long as the trip lasted. In that conversation, there were silences of voice, yet your eyes, shamelessly continued to speak to mine, saying those things you couldn’t, or were too afraid to say. There was a blending of desire, of curiosity, of hope and doubt, your eyes expressing each of them…expressing your necessity for more. More time to know me, more time to find the courage to say all that your mind was hiding, but that your eyes could not.

Your eyes captured me, seducing the dreamer I was then. They were the first eyes truly to make love with me, and the first to speak about love, long before you even realised the desire was more than a physical necessity. Ah! Your eyes…

Powerful eyes, ready to conquer everything you desired; confronting the world with determination. Yes, yours were determined eyes, hungry for knowledge, eyes in despair; desperate to learn and understand.

For some time, your eyes and mine walked together through the old city’s streets, rested on a bench to appreciate the sky. Then, your hand took mine, not possessively, it was as if you were touching something precious you wanted to keep forever by your side. Your eyes and hands were talking of loneliness – the sentiment that rules us when we feel we are not part of anything. You – like me – a misfit. Not opposites, but corresponding faces of a coin called strangeness, a coin forever tossed by the games fate plays, forever landing same-face-up.

Then, it was time to say goodbye. Your voice sang a song full of resignation, but your eyes told a different story; a story of nostalgia; of the pain the distance would impose on you. Your lips were smiling, while your eyes cried…

When I crossed the border from there to here, it was forever your eyes on which my gaze transfixed. Sparkling, they beseeched me “Come back, don’t leave me here, wandering these lonely streets, drowning my solitude in alcohol, drugs, and empty liaisons of the night.” They were begging me to open a place for you in my life for a fleeting moment; then wishing that moment would last forever.

Now, your eyes are haunting me, making me dream. Dreaming of a future I don’t know is possible…when your eyes cared for me at the water’s edge, murmuring everything I wanted to hear, and more; in perfect in harmony with your voice. Eyes not afraid to commit, to show your soul clearly, no shadows, or masks. Your eyes, my eyes.

It was in your eyes that I lost myself and found the inner me. It was there I discovered what I was missing, and conquered my own chains of restraint. It was your eyes that gave me hope and the understanding of what happiness can be. They haunt me, because, just as do our souls, your eyes and mine are connected through the echoes of the past… the yearning of the now… and the welling of aspirations for the future.

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